A Weird Place

I feel like I've been in a weird place lately. I can't pinpoint when exactly it happened or why, but I just have really been wanting to do my own thing. It's really strange to grow up and realize that I've kind of become an introvert in a lot of senses. I used to completely be that girl at every party who was desperately seeking the spotlight and constantly needed to be surrounded by a large group of people. The idea of that these days sounds like the most unappealing scenario of all time.

I've heard it said often that you really need to love yourself before you love others, and I do think that's true. However, I also think that in the process of falling in love with yourself, you fall out of love with a lot of other things. I don't really seek approval from others now because I'm more comfortable in my own skin than ever. I used to have a serious case of FOMO (fear of missing out) about pretty much everything, and now I'm sometimes happier if I do my own thing instead. It's really weird and I don't know whether I should be happy or sad about this mental state change.When I really break it down, it seems like I should be sad about it, but if I'm doing what I want to do instead - why should it upset me? I think it's more of just a change for me, and sometimes change can be a little bit intimidating.

Another thing I've been noticing more and more these days is the fact that I am really particular about who I spend my time with. Even just a few years ago, I thought that I had really figured things out when it came to my friends. But since then, things have changed even more drastically. I just can't justify spending time with people who don't value spending time with me. I don't want to hang out with you based on the justification that we've hung out before. I find myself carefully budgeting my time and ensuring that the people I want to give my time to get it. Why would I spend those days with people who don't make me feel something or who I have to genuinely put effort into creating conversation with? It just seems so pointless to me at this stage of my life.

And I know I'm busy, but I do that on purpose. I'll admit that last year I slacked off a little bit in various aspects of my life (that happens when you buy a house), but I really just don't want to spend every night after work on the couch. I'm happiest when I'm moving, thinking, creating, doing. I get that this isn't for everyone, but it makes me value my time a lot more. The free time I do have is like gold, and I think that plays a huge role in why I'm so choosy with who I give it to. I'm sure this has painted me as a selfish and "boring" individual in the minds of many, but the truth is that I'm doing exactly what I want to do. And if you can't recognize and accept that, then you aren't that important to me anyways.

Overall, I'm getting good at letting criticism roll off my back. People don't understand how important it is to surround yourself with positivity in every aspect of life. From your friends to your choices to how you look at an hour, it all boils down to mindset. I realize that my journey moving forward doesn't include everyone I've met along the way, and I realize that I haven't always been this way. But I like where I'm headed, so I'm just going to continue with what I'm doing. Hopefully it won't feel so much like a conscious change one day, and I can enjoy this as the new norm. I'll get there.

Trying Not to Wish Time Away

Lately, I have really been making an effort to truly enjoy things as they're happening. I'm not nearly as obsessed with documenting events anymore, and I surely don't feel the need to live tweet every event talking about "how much fun I'm having" like so many others in my generation. A really good example of these efforts in action was during the recital this year. I remember consciously thinking a few times, "You so look forward to this every single year & it's happening right now.. You're in it as we speak!" It's a nice way to remind yourself to just kind of be present and enjoy things.

But as we inch further into the summer & closer to what I refer to as "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" - aka September through December - it has become increasingly harder for me to stop wishing time away. All I can think about is how fantastic and happy that time of year makes me. Even just getting a gust of a cool breeze early in the morning is enough to invoke the nostalgia.

I think part of this has to do with the fact that we didn't truly get to enjoy September & October last year. We were enjoying life in a different way (moving into our new home) & everything else kind of slipped onto the back burner. We didn't do nearly all of the fun fall things that we usually do & while I tried my best to be festive, other things took precedence. The house was our main priority, not celebrating the season.

But fortunately, now I have this view to enjoy for every Fall to come :)

So while I'm trying really hard to enjoy what's left of the summer and have a little bit of fun with it (which we certainly will), it's tough not to look forward to all of the great things that I know will come along with this fall. I'm thinking of making a little bucket list to ensure we get to pack everything in there, but I've gotta brainstorm on that a little more before I make it public.

I'm also looking forward to actually decorating for Halloween this year & not just haphazardly throwing some cornstalks on my front porch in the most uneven manner possible (notice how my supply gradually ran out from right to left)... Le sigh.

It also means little Italian Greyhounds will be able to wear their cozy sweaters again, which is obviously one of the highlights I look forward to most :)

Grad Party Day

Evan's graduation party was over the weekend & everything went perfectly! I was really looking forward to this day just because I knew I would get to spend a lot of time with my family & I must admit, I do love planning for/setting up events like this. We got to the hall on Friday night to decorate and then we all went to Max & Erma's to eat. Evan's good friend Seth & his family came with us and it was a really awesome time. My dad and Seth's sister had everyone cracking up with their stories.

Evan kept saying how he only wanted a "small family party", but I think at the end of the day he was really happy with the way everything turned out. Between all of his friends being there and some family members that we hadn't seen in awhile, it was really great to see him just kind of in the spotlight for a day since he's not typically one to put himself center stage.

The giant 50 lb. cake! Thank God Jim & my dad went to get this thing and not me and my aunt like originally planned. We probably would have dropped it all over the sidewalk!

Being photo-bombed by himself waiting for the party to start.

Me, Evan & Mom

Jim & I hanging out during the party

There was one factor that emerged as extremely disappointing during the day, but I won't talk about that just because my goal is to focus on the positives. Mainly it stems from people just not making an effort, but that's no fault of anyone who was in attendance. Personally, I was honored to be able to play such a big role in the planning and preparation for Evan's party and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I've always viewed him as one of the most important people in my life & I'll always be willing to go out of my way for him when he needs it. I'm extremely proud of him and how level-headed he is, and I really hope that his ventures in welding school go exactly as planned. I want nothing more than for him to succeed & I look forward to celebrating his accomplishments down the road.

However, I really will miss watching him and his amazing marching band friends do their thing every Friday night in the Fall. It's been a fun ride, though.

Congratulations, Ev!